My Annual Day of Remembrance
April 6, 1980. It was Easter that year. I was in Atlanta, Georgia visiting my cousin on my way to Tampa, Fl where my cousin and I were going to meet up with another cousin and enjoy a week of spring break. I was 24 years old.
The night before my cousin and I had went out on the town and had a good time. Because of that we slept in later than we had planned. We planned to get up early, go to the first Mass and then head to Florida. Somewhere around 7:30 or 8:00 AM I heard the phone ring (no cell phones in those days). I heard my cousin answer it and then he came into the room where I was sleeping and before he said a word an eerie feeling came over me. It was for me. It was my younger brother, Shawn.
He said the words I had feared my entire life, "Dad just died." My father had suffered from Melanoma for over two years.
Before that, we had the perfect family. Not even a trip to an emergency room for anyone for even stitches with a family of 7 boys and a girl. Beating on each other playfully, playing football in the street, never, not once did anyone have even a scratch deep enough to have to go to the hospital. Most of us even played football in high school with no major injuries. So when I heard that my father had cancer it floored me like I was hit with a ton of bricks.
I remember the day he went into the hospital in an effort to have as much of the cancer as possible cut out of his arm, shoulder, and side . I remember sitting in the waiting room before his surgery with him and talking. I said to him, "Dad, every one of us is going to die someday, and who knows I could still go before you, you never know." I don't know if that was the right thing to say to him at that time or not, it was the first thing that popped into my head. I have no idea what he was going through, he had to be scared, he was only 47 at the time and had 8 children to take care of! Here I was a 22 year old young man trying to help him out.
The trip from my cousin's house to the airport was like a dream. My mind was gone out there in nowhere land just staring at the surroundings. The plane flight was like I was up in heaven looking for my father. As we flew through the clouds, I stared out of the window just hoping I would see his face, but of course I did not. When we landed I was greeted by 4 of my brothers. How great that was that they cared so much about me to come and get me! I bawled my eyes out the entire way home. Had I not slept in that morning, my family would have had a hard time finding me. Because there were no cell phones, we would have been on the road most of Easter Sunday and who knows if my family could have found me at my other cousin's house. I don't think they even knew where he lived. I'm sure I would have checked in but it would have been at least a day later.
It's been 31 years since that day. How honored we felt that God chose to take him on Easter Sunday morning. I only wish that I could have been there. He did not want to die with anyone there to see that happen, however. He told me to go on my vacation, that he would be fine until I got back. My mother also thought it was OK to leave him. As I pulled away that day I just knew that may be the last time I saw him alive. Weird how that happens. He started feeling bad on Saturday evening, my mother said. She had planned to take him down to the hospital again as she did every time he had an episode of illness. This time, he said no, please go on to church with the boys and my sister. They did. When they got back he was gone.
He still influences me today. He was a very strong man, both physically and mentally. He had such high morals and loved children. He started a youth football organization in my hometown when I was in 8th grade just so I and my brothers could play. The organization still exists today after 40+ years. The local high school is gone folded by lack of funds in a depressed steel mill town in Western Pennsylvania. But the youth football organization is still going strong. It was his life and passion. I am so proud of him!
The night before my cousin and I had went out on the town and had a good time. Because of that we slept in later than we had planned. We planned to get up early, go to the first Mass and then head to Florida. Somewhere around 7:30 or 8:00 AM I heard the phone ring (no cell phones in those days). I heard my cousin answer it and then he came into the room where I was sleeping and before he said a word an eerie feeling came over me. It was for me. It was my younger brother, Shawn.
He said the words I had feared my entire life, "Dad just died." My father had suffered from Melanoma for over two years.
Before that, we had the perfect family. Not even a trip to an emergency room for anyone for even stitches with a family of 7 boys and a girl. Beating on each other playfully, playing football in the street, never, not once did anyone have even a scratch deep enough to have to go to the hospital. Most of us even played football in high school with no major injuries. So when I heard that my father had cancer it floored me like I was hit with a ton of bricks.
I remember the day he went into the hospital in an effort to have as much of the cancer as possible cut out of his arm, shoulder, and side . I remember sitting in the waiting room before his surgery with him and talking. I said to him, "Dad, every one of us is going to die someday, and who knows I could still go before you, you never know." I don't know if that was the right thing to say to him at that time or not, it was the first thing that popped into my head. I have no idea what he was going through, he had to be scared, he was only 47 at the time and had 8 children to take care of! Here I was a 22 year old young man trying to help him out.
The trip from my cousin's house to the airport was like a dream. My mind was gone out there in nowhere land just staring at the surroundings. The plane flight was like I was up in heaven looking for my father. As we flew through the clouds, I stared out of the window just hoping I would see his face, but of course I did not. When we landed I was greeted by 4 of my brothers. How great that was that they cared so much about me to come and get me! I bawled my eyes out the entire way home. Had I not slept in that morning, my family would have had a hard time finding me. Because there were no cell phones, we would have been on the road most of Easter Sunday and who knows if my family could have found me at my other cousin's house. I don't think they even knew where he lived. I'm sure I would have checked in but it would have been at least a day later.
It's been 31 years since that day. How honored we felt that God chose to take him on Easter Sunday morning. I only wish that I could have been there. He did not want to die with anyone there to see that happen, however. He told me to go on my vacation, that he would be fine until I got back. My mother also thought it was OK to leave him. As I pulled away that day I just knew that may be the last time I saw him alive. Weird how that happens. He started feeling bad on Saturday evening, my mother said. She had planned to take him down to the hospital again as she did every time he had an episode of illness. This time, he said no, please go on to church with the boys and my sister. They did. When they got back he was gone.
He still influences me today. He was a very strong man, both physically and mentally. He had such high morals and loved children. He started a youth football organization in my hometown when I was in 8th grade just so I and my brothers could play. The organization still exists today after 40+ years. The local high school is gone folded by lack of funds in a depressed steel mill town in Western Pennsylvania. But the youth football organization is still going strong. It was his life and passion. I am so proud of him!
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